The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life

No, that title is not an exaggeration. The most embarrassing moment I can remember happened to me a couple months ago and it took this long for me to be able to write about it without uncomfortably squirming. This is the story of how I was mistaken for a bum.

Once a year I take my 49er’s piggy bank to the closest Coinstar in order to exchange the leftover change that I have accumulated. This year I was really excited for some extra spending money because my piggy bank was filled to the brim. It was a lazy Saturday so I had sweats and a Star Wars long sleeve with a fresh new haircut (or so I thought). I drove down to the local Safeway and got the receipt from the Coinstar for over $200 worth of coins. You know how much food and video games I can buy with that kind of money, like one game and two meals. Needless to say, I was juiced! I had to take my receipt and get cash at the register so I waited until it was my turn. This is where the day took a turn for the worst…

I’m not gunna lie to you guys, I thought I was looking good that day. As I said, I had a fresh haircut and my favorite long sleeve. I hadn’t eaten all day so I was feeling not as fat as normal. I also was getting money so I felt pretty great overall. That is, until it was my turn at the register. I handed the cashier my receipt and explained that was all I was there for. While she was getting the bills ready for me, the woman behind me whispered “it happens to all of us”. First off, you can’t just whisper things like that in someones ear out of nowhere. I literally jumped and had instant goosebumps I was so scared. On top of that though, she slid something into my hand while the whisper still echoed. I looked down to realize she had put a five dollar bill in my hand with the deftness of someone buying drugs in broad daylight. This was the moment my legs started to sweat despite how eerily cold the room had become.

I completely froze. I had no idea what had just happened and the woman was just standing there, staring into my very soul. I felt as if the whole store was suddenly aware of only me and my weird Star Wars shirt, judging my stupid haircut that made my head look oddly shaped. I was so surprised and embarrassed that all I could do was whisper “Thank you”, turn to the cashier, accept my $200, and dip out of there. I swear to God I have never moved faster than I did in that moment. I basically sprinted out the door, with my sweaty legs making weird noises, to my car where I finally stopped to go over the horrific events of the last 5 minutes.

As I hid from the world in my car, I realized that this woman must have thought I looked homeless. Apparently, I looked so disheveled with my sweats, shirt, and horrible haircut, that she assumed I needed some money. To this day I can’t believe how amazingly generous this woman was but did I really look that bad?? My confidence has forever been shaken after this one. One of the worst parts about it though is I know I should have given the money back to her but she looked at me so convincingly that I freaked out and ran away. It just adds to the most embarrassing moment of my life. All I know is that I still wake up sweating in the middle of the night just thinking about that goose bump inducing whisper. So to the woman who gave me money thinking I was a bum, thank you very much. I will never step out of my house again.

Disorder: Part I

I was born for this, thought Adrian as he stood over three lifeless bodies, the blood still dripping from his two curved daggers. He had just killed three foolish Disorder men eager to become legends by being the one to kill him. Adrian was the most feared man in the Order army. He was the son of the Commander himself. Trained since he was five to destroy the Disorder, an army of rebels trying to plunge the world into chaos. Forty years ago, a man named Ethan Adams and a group of cyber terrorists, decided the only way to save humanity from the Government tyrants, was to set the world back before technology ruled. They created a digital virus that wiped out all tech in order to even the odds. Since that day, the world was split in two factions, Order and Disorder. Adrian was lucky enough to be born on the right side. However, his father received word that the Disorder was close to turning the tide and sent his army to their stronghold to, once and for all, wipe them out.

Adrian looked out at the fighting around him. Since all the hi-tech weapons were lost, and bullets were more rare than gold, the battle was fought with weapons of the past. Adrian preferred to use his two daggers given to him when he became 15. They were his Uncle’s, who trained him as a child before he was killed in a Disorder ambush almost 5 years ago. The daggers allowed him to move swiftly from one enemy to another, wasting little time cutting them down.

“Adrian!” Shouted Ajax, Adrian’s best friend since birth, “Got word that the Disorder is retreating. Supposedly they’re trying to extract this dude before we can get to him. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Run full speed ahead without thinking anything through?”, said Adrian while laughing.

He didn’t even let Ajax respond before sprinting towards the stronghold. The two of them always competed on who got the most kills. If Ajax got within 20 kills of Adrian it was a win for Ajax. No way I’m letting this out of shape bum get within 30 kills today, laughing to himself. Adrian let Ajax catch up as they ran side by side killing anyone in their way.

Ajax jumped to the side as a sword whizzed by his face. He stabbed his attacker clean through the throat with his katana and spun around to impale another, yelling back at Adrian, “beat that, asshole!”

“Watch this, dick!” Adrian yelled back. He turned to see three Disorder men running towards him. Adrian threw both daggers simultaneously towards his enemies. They sliced through the air until finding their targets, striking the two in front. While their bodies were falling, Adrian yanked the daggers out of their skulls and jumped forward with two quick slashes killing the third man. Rolling to his feet, he kicked the decapitated head towards Ajax and kept running, faintly hearing Ajax say,”You’re a piece of sh…” as Adrian ran out of earshot.

The two of them kept running towards the stronghold, killing every fool who tried to stop them. When they finally made it to the compound they came across no resistance and walked right through the doors. Somethings not right here. Adrian gave Ajax a cautious look as they slowly walked through the halls. There were bodies of Order men littered all around, their blood pooling together.

“What the hell happened here?”, said Ajax. “How are there no bodies of Disorder soldiers here, just our own?

Adrian turned, “I’m not sure but it’s nothing we can’t handle. You scared?”

“Piss off man, I ain’t scared, just keep moving.”, Ajax responded.

They turned the corner to see a group of Disorder men running out of the back of the compound. Adrian and Ajax began to chase after them when a knife flew right between them, barely missing both it’s targets. Adrian looked up to see a man standing between them and the people escaping. He was in all black and carried two curved swords. The man wore a black mask with a gold skull engraved on it. His two swords, as well as his body, were covered in the blood of Order soldiers.

Adrian looked at Ajax, “This will be fun! Together then?”, and with a slight nod from Ajax they charged the enemy.

Ajax feigned low then darted to the side while Adrian threw one of his daggers directly at the gold skull mask. The masked man knocked the dagger out of the air with his sword and struck at Ajax with the other. Ajax barely dodged the blow, falling sideways. Adrian picked up his dagger and started slashing at the masked man. He faked a shot to the chest, only to bring another blow to the neck but the masked man deflected it and countered with a swing to the head. Adrian slid under the sword strike and tried to get behind his enemy. The masked man quickly turned, faster than Adrian had ever seen, and clipped Adrian’s shoulder with his blade. Adrian roared from the pain but got up to pounce once more. Ajax got to his feet to join Adrian in the attack and together they threw coordinated strikes at the masked man but each strike was countered with increasing ferocity. The masked man slipped one of Adrian’s attacks, dashing forward, then plunged his sword straight through Adrian’s side.

The pain was unbearable as Adrian fell to his knees. He couldn’t move, couldn’t defend himself. The masked man ripped his sword from Adrian’s flesh and went to deliver the final blow.

Ajax screamed and jumped in front of Adrian, deflecting the attack. Ajax spun his katana around and slashed across the masked man’s body. His blade slicing through the man’s clothes and flesh. The masked man yelled out furiously as Ajax swung his sword back around but the masked man was ready for it, swinging his sword at Ajax’s weapon arm with astonishing speed. The sword sliced through Ajax’s arm, severing it at the elbow. Screaming, Ajax fell to the floor clutching what was left of his arm. The masked man walked up to Ajax, looked toward Adrian, then cut Ajax’s throat.


It took all of Adrian’s remaining strength to crawl to him. He took Ajax in his arms, feeling the life drain from his best friend.

“I’m going to kill you!”, Adrian screamed back to the masked man, tears streaming down his face.

“If you try, your fate will be worse than your friend’s”, the masked man said in a cold voice and with that he left Adrian alone as he watched Ajax’s life leave his eyes.

To be continued…