The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life

No, that title is not an exaggeration. The most embarrassing moment I can remember happened to me a couple months ago and it took this long for me to be able to write about it without uncomfortably squirming. This is the story of how I was mistaken for a bum.

Once a year I take my 49er’s piggy bank to the closest Coinstar in order to exchange the leftover change that I have accumulated. This year I was really excited for some extra spending money because my piggy bank was filled to the brim. It was a lazy Saturday so I had sweats and a Star Wars long sleeve with a fresh new haircut (or so I thought). I drove down to the local Safeway and got the receipt from the Coinstar for over $200 worth of coins. You know how much food and video games I can buy with that kind of money, like one game and two meals. Needless to say, I was juiced! I had to take my receipt and get cash at the register so I waited until it was my turn. This is where the day took a turn for the worst…

I’m not gunna lie to you guys, I thought I was looking good that day. As I said, I had a fresh haircut and my favorite long sleeve. I hadn’t eaten all day so I was feeling not as fat as normal. I also was getting money so I felt pretty great overall. That is, until it was my turn at the register. I handed the cashier my receipt and explained that was all I was there for. While she was getting the bills ready for me, the woman behind me whispered “it happens to all of us”. First off, you can’t just whisper things like that in someones ear out of nowhere. I literally jumped and had instant goosebumps I was so scared. On top of that though, she slid something into my hand while the whisper still echoed. I looked down to realize she had put a five dollar bill in my hand with the deftness of someone buying drugs in broad daylight. This was the moment my legs started to sweat despite how eerily cold the room had become.

I completely froze. I had no idea what had just happened and the woman was just standing there, staring into my very soul. I felt as if the whole store was suddenly aware of only me and my weird Star Wars shirt, judging my stupid haircut that made my head look oddly shaped. I was so surprised and embarrassed that all I could do was whisper “Thank you”, turn to the cashier, accept my $200, and dip out of there. I swear to God I have never moved faster than I did in that moment. I basically sprinted out the door, with my sweaty legs making weird noises, to my car where I finally stopped to go over the horrific events of the last 5 minutes.

As I hid from the world in my car, I realized that this woman must have thought I looked homeless. Apparently, I looked so disheveled with my sweats, shirt, and horrible haircut, that she assumed I needed some money. To this day I can’t believe how amazingly generous this woman was but did I really look that bad?? My confidence has forever been shaken after this one. One of the worst parts about it though is I know I should have given the money back to her but she looked at me so convincingly that I freaked out and ran away. It just adds to the most embarrassing moment of my life. All I know is that I still wake up sweating in the middle of the night just thinking about that goose bump inducing whisper. So to the woman who gave me money thinking I was a bum, thank you very much. I will never step out of my house again.

Avengers: Infinity War (Spoiler) Review

Hi everyone, I’m back! It’s been way too long since I posted but it feels good to write again. I had to take a break because I got a new job in publishing and I needed to settle in. During my time away, however, I have seen plenty of movies and had some very interesting things happen to me. I can’t wait for you guys to read about them! So, without further ado, let’s get it.

I hope all of you have seen Avengers: Infinity War by now but if you haven’t, this is your final SPOILER WARNING. Like everyone else, I have been waiting 10 years for the culmination of the Marvel universe. I’ve seen every Marvel movie up to this point so to say I was excited is an understatement. The only reservation I had was I honestly didn’t know what to expect with this movie. The Last Jedi messed me up so immensely that I feared Infinity War would do the same. I’m here to tell you it didn’t, but maybe it did?

Let’s start with what I loved about Infinity War. Thanos is unrivaled when it comes to Marvel villains. Until Thanos finally appeared on the big screen, Kilmonger from Black Panther was my favorite villain (lasting a whopping five months) but Thanos is everything that Kilmonger was, just on a much larger scale. The movie opens with a badass scene that tells the audience Thanos is by far the most ruthless villain the Marvel Universe has ever seen. Within the first 15 minutes of the film, Thanos literally chokes Loki to death in front of Thor. He kills one of the primary villains of the previous movies, and a villain in Loki that had “conquered” death before. You immediately feel the gravity of the situation which makes the rest of the movie that much more powerful. On top of that, Thanos truly thinks he is doing the right thing which always makes for a compelling villain.  Aside from the brilliance of Josh Brolin as Thanos, Infinity War had all the humor we have come to expect from Marvel. This movie was, at times, can’t breath I’m laughing to hard, funny. I almost died choking on popcorn when Drax was standing in the corner and he said “1-hour”. All the interactions between Thor and Peter Quill, as well as with Iron Man and Peter, were hilarious. Another reason I really enjoyed this movie was the dynamic between Gamora and Thanos. I 100% felt the emotion and conflict that surrounded their relationship. They both loved each other even though they had different views on right and wrong. Thanos was never the best father to Gamora but he was still her father and she was still his daughter. The clear struggle in Thanos when he had to decide to sacrifice Gamora or end his life long goal was as heartbreaking as Gamora realizing he was going to pick the latter. I personally love when there is this amount of emotion in a Marvel movie. Although there were many things to love about Infinity War, I felt it fell short of being amazing due to one big negative, the finality of it all.

I want to first say that I think it took some major cojones to end Infinity War the way they did. I actually loved it. It was a perfect way to end the movie, one that everyone prior to watching it thought they wouldn’t dare do. This movie was not an Avengers movie, it was a Thanos origin movie. He was the main character and he was the one who won in the end. Thanos snapped his fingers and hero after hero dissolved away (Spiderman though, oh God). My only problem was the fact that the original Avengers all survived and only the new Avengers died. If the originals had died along with others, then their stories would have ended and the finality of their deaths would have been truly universe altering. When someone is killed in Game of Thrones, unless it’s Jon Snow, you really feel their death is final and the impact is greatly felt. The fact that the new avengers died, many with only one movie to their names, means the ends of their stories are not final at all. Marvel has already announced future movies with the heroes that perished at the end of Infinity War. We know that they will be brought back in some way which taints their deaths. There’s no world where Marvel and Disney will risk billions by not having another Black Panther movie, for example. This is the main reason I can’t say I absolutely loved Infinity War. I left the theater thinking that was insanity but how long will they actually stay dead? I guess that’s just how the world is now though. Imagine if this movie was filmed in the 80’s with no social media. The making of the other movies and who is in them would not be known and the finality of these deaths would be felt far greater than in today’s social media world.

All in all, I thought Avengers: Infinity War was a great movie but it fell slightly short of the massive 10 year build up. I have it in the top five Marvel movies of all time and I would love to see it again. However, the pending reversal of the events knock it down a peg. I give it a 4.5 out of 5 Jeff Goldblums! Till next time normal dudes.