No, that title is not an exaggeration. The most embarrassing moment I can remember happened to me a couple months ago and it took this long for me to be able to write about it without uncomfortably squirming. This is the story of how I was mistaken for a bum.

Once a year I take my 49er’s piggy bank to the closest Coinstar in order to exchange the leftover change that I have accumulated. This year I was really excited for some extra spending money because my piggy bank was filled to the brim. It was a lazy Saturday so I had sweats and a Star Wars long sleeve with a fresh new haircut (or so I thought). I drove down to the local Safeway and got the receipt from the Coinstar for over $200 worth of coins. You know how much food and video games I can buy with that kind of money, like one game and two meals. Needless to say, I was juiced! I had to take my receipt and get cash at the register so I waited until it was my turn. This is where the day took a turn for the worst…

I’m not gunna lie to you guys, I thought I was looking good that day. As I said, I had a fresh haircut and my favorite long sleeve. I hadn’t eaten all day so I was feeling not as fat as normal. I also was getting money so I felt pretty great overall. That is, until it was my turn at the register. I handed the cashier my receipt and explained that was all I was there for. While she was getting the bills ready for me, the woman behind me whispered “it happens to all of us”. First off, you can’t just whisper things like that in someones ear out of nowhere. I literally jumped and had instant goosebumps I was so scared. On top of that though, she slid something into my hand while the whisper still echoed. I looked down to realize she had put a five dollar bill in my hand with the deftness of someone buying drugs in broad daylight. This was the moment my legs started to sweat despite how eerily cold the room had become.

I completely froze. I had no idea what had just happened and the woman was just standing there, staring into my very soul. I felt as if the whole store was suddenly aware of only me and my weird Star Wars shirt, judging my stupid haircut that made my head look oddly shaped. I was so surprised and embarrassed that all I could do was whisper “Thank you”, turn to the cashier, accept my $200, and dip out of there. I swear to God I have never moved faster than I did in that moment. I basically sprinted out the door, with my sweaty legs making weird noises, to my car where I finally stopped to go over the horrific events of the last 5 minutes.

As I hid from the world in my car, I realized that this woman must have thought I looked homeless. Apparently, I looked so disheveled with my sweats, shirt, and horrible haircut, that she assumed I needed some money. To this day I can’t believe how amazingly generous this woman was but did I really look that bad?? My confidence has forever been shaken after this one. One of the worst parts about it though is I know I should have given the money back to her but she looked at me so convincingly that I freaked out and ran away. It just adds to the most embarrassing moment of my life. All I know is that I still wake up sweating in the middle of the night just thinking about that goose bump inducing whisper. So to the woman who gave me money thinking I was a bum, thank you very much. I will never step out of my house again.